A guest post by Tommy Tush
This weekend you as a music person will attend a wedding perhaps, a musical, a concert, shed sessions or maybe even a Music training and workshop. You will meet many talented musicians. Beautiful charming ladies and handsome guys who are also good at what they do. They will WOW you with their voice, their stage presence, their speed on the keyboard, their dexterity on the drums and swag on the bass, their excellent directing and conducting skills. You will love how they do their riffs, their adlibs, and their swag and how they direct the choir or how they speak. You will be attracted to them instantly. Musicians are very gorgeous and handsome. As a guy you will get attracted to not just the voice but the sway, shape, eyes and beauty of some female musicians. As a lady the skill of that pianist will get you locked on their stub their height, smile dentition or even hairstyle.
So here begins the journey of your fantasy into the Garden of Eden. Like we say in Nigeria, ‘you go love o’. You start picturing yourself in a relationship with someone like them or in reality ‘them’. You can see your wedding day where your man is singing a Lionel Richie song and playing the guitar like Travis Greene at the same time. You can see yourself getting angry one day and your wife comes and starts singing to you to cool your nerves. Hehehe…. at this point, I laugh. Ask how many married musicians do this. Anyway all these and many more clog up your medulla and you begin to tell yourself, ‘Ah, me I can’t marry a lady who can’t sing o. She must have a good voice. How can I be a keyboardist and my wife cannot sing on key. Our house will be boring, in fact the marriage will be dull’. The lady on the other hand is saying to her friends, ‘Baes, mehn, my guy must be able to run scales like Jonathan McReynolds or Mali Music o. He must be able to play a guitar or keyboard. You know I’m the Worship Leader at the Headquarter church, how can my husband not know music?’ We must have MUTUAL PURPOSE.
You see, I am not a Relationship expert neither am I a marriage counselor. If you want relationship advice please, contact Mrs Adetutu Oshofowora. You will be well-fed from her wealth of wisdom and experience.. But the little I know is this – That both of you are Musicians doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage will be sweet. Music may bring you together but it takes MATURITY, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, and FEAR OF GOD to sustain a home. That your wife can sing doesn’t mean she will wake up every morning and compose a love song for you. Do you think Pastors preach to their wives at home or do you think doctors see their wives as patients and operate on them like they are a cadaver?
It’s not Music that keeps a home. It’s OK to want someone you can share your music ideas with and the person will understand you. But what I’m saying is you may want to look beyond all that. Having mutual purpose doesn’t mean both of you are into music, in fact that may cause problems. Imagine both of you want to release album, both of you want to tour, both of you want to minister from stage to stage. Who will take care of the home, the kids? You may have different styles of music and this alone may cause trouble and you want to pursue big dreams so much you don’t even have time for one another. There are couples who actually compete. What if someone invites husband to Abuja to sing and another invites wife to Owerri on same day and this happens regularly- what will happen at home if they don’t have understanding and sacrifice to know how to handle it? Some homes have broken because one party felt the other was trying to cover their shining or limit their progress. This is one major cause of divorce among Hollywood Celebrities.
I love gifted musicians but I have never made the gift override the person. There are many gifted but proud ladies. Gifted lady, but not submissive and she’s a gossip, tale-bearer, dirty woman at home who would rather be doing music all day than take care of the home. Gifted drummer but also a gifted womanizer. A talented singer but irresponsible father and a gigolo sowing wild oats in every city. Trust me, after the big wedding attended by all the major musicians in town and posted all over Social Media, your eyes will clear. You will see the real person and it may shock you how many musicians, gospel artists have very wrecked homes. Many don’t even have time for family as they pursue success. They are successful in music but not passionate in loving their wives. They are great on stage and call down fire but when they get home they use their husband as tooth-pick, call him names and abuse him.
In summary, before you get lost in the skill, meet the person. If the voice makes your head swoon, wake up later and find out the man behind the voice. If you get slain under her anointing, please wake up after and meet the woman behind all that. There are many ANOINTED WOLVES. There are many people e.g Kirk Franklin who are doing well in their music career and their wives are not on the scene with them so don’t think your spouse as to be a musician for you to succeed. All you need is a SUPPORTIVE, UNDERSTANDING AND SACRIFICING SPOUSE who will allow you be yourself and also you must be able to make some sacrifices. There was a span of many years when MARY MARY didn’t release any song even though their husbands were producers. They had to take care of their kids and families. They later broke up due to clashing career activities but now they are still in Show Biz by the support of their spouse. Many singers I use to hear of are no longer in music because their husbands or wives didn’t allow them- family responsibilities, children all came on them and their spouse couldn’t help in sacrificing to make them rise again.